“You are really smart. You are very talented. You are a good rider.”
All those things make you feel good right? I used to think so. I used to compliment all the other horses in the barn, thinking I would be helping their self-esteem by reminding them how great they are. But, new studies indicate that this may not be the case.
An article by Po Bronson, posted in New York Magazine, states that certain types of praise can have a negative effect on the behavior of people. (For the entire article, go here: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/.)
A study was done that indicated that if a child is constantly told they are “smart” or “talented” or “the best,” it can create a situation in their minds that makes them “risk adversant.” They become so sensitive to any task that isn’t immediately easy, that they stop trying. They won’t take risks that might prove to their parent(s) or teacher(s) that they don’t have the natural talent or brains with which they’ve been labeled. In equestrian terms, it takes away their “try.”
I was thinking about how slippery it is out on the wet grass, and sure enough, I slipped. I was thinking about how angry that gelding at the end of my stall row makes me, and sure enough I became angry. I was thinking about how I sometimes get a headache when a storm comes, and sure enough, I got a headache.
I keep saying that what you think about expands. Over and over and in many different ways I share my belief that we attract whatever we concentrate on. And yet, I still find myself putting my own attention on things I don’t want. Why do I do that when I KNOW that’s going to create the very things I do not want? Oops, I just gave my attention to getting what I don’t want by seeing that I get what I don’t want by thinking about what I don’t want! ARG! It’s crazy making!
A friend of mine in Australia wrote to me this week, expressing her excitement about learning dressage after a career on the race track. She had been a bit discouraged at her progress because she was used to being successful on the track mostly by her strong will and a strong hand. Neither is very conducive to an artful picture of riding. Once she realized that she could break dressage down into small, understandable pieces that fit together like an elegant puzzle, her sense of self-worth soared. She didn’t have to force her way into success… she could gently finesse her way to success!
The level of worthiness we feel makes a huge difference in how we live our lives. It’s true that we can never rise above nor outperform our own self-image. So if you want to improve your life, the first order of business is to improve your view of yourself.
Focus. It’s the most driving force in anyone’s success. Oh sure… occasionally there are successes that just fall into your lap. But that is incredibly rare. Focus is one of those things that creates opportunity. It creates a vibration of success. The energy of the Universe aligns with your vision, and you become unstoppable.
I decided I wanted to beat Indy in a race. He’d already beat me once, so I had some history to overcome. I could have wallowed in my failure, I could have given up and just accepted that he’s the faster fellow, or I could focus on a goal and not stop until I reached it. My desire to win wasn’t about Indy at all, it was about proving that I could change my experience though my own focus and will.
So I started dreaming. That’s right… dreaming. I imagined Indy and me running the circle around my turnout with me in the lead the entire time. I imagined “that winning feeling” of joy I was going to feel when I reached the finish line first. I did the physical work of challenging myself each time I was turned out or ridden, pushing myself a little bit farther than I thought I could go, but always added the mental emotions of joy in success and winning with each workout.
What makes the difference between success and failure? Not reaching your goal is often as simple a matter as giving up too soon.
I’ve seen this over and over in dressage competition. Someone has a bad day in the ring, and they give up in frustration. They get so upset they scratch from the rest of their classes. It may have been a simple mistake, or a forgotten element, or a skill that wasn’t quite ready to be performed for a judge. The fix might be one tiny tweak. But the experience of failing makes some people throw in the towel.
Toughness in the face of adversity is one of the most valuable assets you can cultivate. If you’re not naturally brave or in the habit of pushing through the discomfort of “failure,” you can change this. All you have to do is DECIDE to change. Decide that nothing is going to stop you from your goal! No matter what it is — business, relationships, riding, showing. Make the decision that you’re going to use mistakes and setbacks as your roadmap to success!
Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you think they will. The disappointment can be tough to deal with. When I first heard I was moving to America, I thought I’d be in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade someday. But instead I’m headed to another dressage show. I could be upset, but it wouldn’t help. I just have to find a way to let go of my previous expectations, and find my joy in where I am right now.
Have you ever spent a lot of time and effort working on something that didn’t pan out the way you thought it would? Hurts… doesn’t it… but that’s just part of life. We can plan, direct, effort, and push, and still not end up where we thought we should. So what do you do about it?
There is a time for wallowing in the disappointment and allowing yourself to feel the feelings. Let them be. No matter how much it hurts, let the feelings come. Don’t resist. Give the feelings a chance to be expressed and released. But also, don’t stay there. Look at the elements of what you were trying to achieve, and then make a new plan.
Honesty is an interesting concept. Most of us horses are truly honest. We don’t know how to be any other way. But people, well, not so much.
Most people believe they are honest. But often humans are simply justifying their behavior and calling it honesty. If they really looked at what was going on, they’d probably realize they were either manipulating a situation to their advantage, or ignoring the truth of their behavior.
Are you honest? I’ll bet you are, at least most of the time. Sometimes not being honest is the kindest thing… like when your grandmother asks if you like her mince pie, but you really don’t. You don’t want to hurt feelings. So, when is honesty the best policy and when is it a matter of violating values and honor? That’s a tough question that I don’t have an answer to. But perhaps just asking the question will stir the kind of thought that’s helpful.
Responsibility. It’s a big part of life. Jane tells her students that their horses should be responsible for their own gaits. They shouldn’t repeatedly ask or nag at their horses, or they’ll just get tuned out and ignored. She says your horse should respond to the first request, and should maintain his or her gait until asked to do something else.
It’s pretty easy for me to get lazy about being responsible for my job. How about you? Have you ever avoided doing those things you know you should be doing? Perhaps it was because you became lazy, or because no one seemed to care one way or another if you got it done? This tendency is why we have leaders or bosses. We often need someone to keep us on track.
A good leader or boss is someone who inspires you to do your best without nagging or shaming. A good leader finds ways to help their subordinates feel important and valued. A poor leader uses punishment or embarrassment to force compliance. A good leader creates a desire to do well. A poor leader makes people unhappy, and is often looking for replacements when their subordinates leave or quit.
This month I’ll explain how to use the “Connecting Aids” with a lazy horse to put him on the bit. Next month, I’ll talk about connecting the hot horse.
Here’s a review of the connecting aids:
(1) Close both calves to generate power from behind.
(2) Close your outside hand in a fist to capture, contain, and recycle that power back to the hind legs.
(3) Squeeze and release (vibrate) the inside rein, like squeezing water out of a sponge, to keep your horse’s neck straight.
Apply the three sets of aids for approximately three seconds. To an observer, it will appear that you’re giving the aids simultaneously, but in reality the legs slightly precede the closing of the outside hand, which is applied just before the vibrations with the inside hand.
In order to get the desired effect from these connecting aids, it’s important that your horse responds obediently to your aids. This is often overlooked, as many of us have a very lazy that seems to ignore our aids. Here are some tips to help you.
While equine therapy has many fans and many purported benefits, is it possible that this alternative form of therapy can be used to improve sports performance?
Looking to a “head guy” to help with the much sought after perfect golf shot, basketball game, or even ski run is nothing new; these mental specialists have only recently donned their breeches and boots and strode into the equine competition arena. As they have, psych strategies that have long been popular in other sports have made their way onto the back of a horse. Stress reduction strategies such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, and cognitive rehearsal have been among these. Now, even popular riders, such as Jane Savoie (www.janesavoie.com), employ the use of visualization techniques to cement the perfect ride.
Yet with the emergence of sports psychology in the horse world, can our horses actually help us to improve our performance, and possibly ride them better?
This is your premium equine online magazine portal, news aggregator and THE place
to list your horse-related equestrian events and advertise your equine
supplies, services, products, horses, ponies, equipment and target the Southern
USA. We are constantly enhancing HorsesintheSouth.com to be better and better
for you!
